summer days.

Sometimes I wonder what I do all day long.  I have long lists of things that keep sitting there...unchecked.  I feel like my days just disappear...and that all I do that is visible is the cleaning, cooking, and picking up the house (always.picking.up.).  I thought when I started staying at home that my days would be more open...that I would do more projects, that the house would always be clean, that I'd create 3 course meals every night for my husband, the laundry would always be done, and so on.  But now that I'm in it I can't seem to ever be caught up...the frames in Eva's room are still propped up on the floor, the hostas still haven't been planted, and the bedroom still isn't painted.

But then I remind myself...most of those things really don't matter.  What matters to me are three brown-eyed beauties that I feel so privileged to be able to love and take care of (yes, three...one of those is my hubby).  

I don't have a real job anymore, but I do still have a job.  And that is to raise these kiddos the best that I can...and that doesn't require a clean kitchen or a perfectly decorated bedroom.  It requires love, patience, and discipline.  And I know that I can't do this on my own but thankfully I have help from up above.  I have to remind myself all the time of this.  One of my biggest fears is that I will look back on this season of my life and regret that I didn't spend enough time with my kids, that I didn't pour into them like I should.  They are so very special to me...and although being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  These two teach me so much.  Oh, I can't even tell you how much I love them! 

Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me with this family.  Thank you for making it possible for me to be able to stay at home with my kids during this time.  I pray that I would keep my focus on things that are really important...that I wouldn't get stressed about the little things.  I pray that my kids might know of my deep love for them.  I pray for strength to be able to get through the hard days.  I pray for the wisdom to teach them all that is true and right.  Thank you, dear Jesus, for blessing me with the name "Mom"...I pray that you would continually help me learn how to please you with this name.  I love you.

Here are some pictures from June and July...just a bunch of random pictures from our days.

He loves corn on the cob!

Oh this boy...love him.

Trying to get out!

The best purchase of the summer.  He's getting pretty fast!  We have gone up and down the sidewalk countless times.  Some things I have heard on our walks..."look Mom, no hands!", "I'm the leader, Mom!", "Look, Mom, I can stand up!".

Checking out the ants...

Bedtime!

Our little ray of sunshine.

She sure loves the exersaucer!

 

Working on his books from Mama Jackson...

Grabbing onto everything now!

Getting so strong!

mother's day.

 

I feel so blessed to be able to be a mom!  What an incredible gift children are, and the fact that I get two of my own to raise makes me so incredibly thankful...and a bit terrified as well, if I'm being honest.  Some days I feel as though I don't have a clue what I'm doing, but thankfully I've got some help!  I say so many prayers throughout the day...for strength, for wisdom, for patience, for the hearts of my little ones, for their future, etc.  I couldn't do it on my own.  

We had a great Mother's Day as a family.  I missed being with my own Mom, and also Tyler's Mom, on this special day, but we had some great time as a family.  Tyler went wild with his gift for me.  I got golf clubs!  I couldn't believe it.  He loves to golf and he's heard me mention a few times that it would be fun to go with him.  I never imagined getting my own clubs!  Of course I won't have much time now, but at least I have them and can start learning, so that maybe someday when we're older I don't have to start from scratch. :)  We went on a picnic in the evening together.  It was a beautiful night.  I am so thankful for my little family!  

AND...a great big HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my incredible Mom.  I feel so blessed to be able to have such a beautiful, caring, wise mother.  I realize more now, more than ever before, all the work that went into raising me...and all the love she showed me.  I love you, Mom!

picnic on the deck.

tyler is filming a wedding today, so it was just cruz and i for lunch. we decided to have a picnic on the deck! we had such a good time, just the two of us. i love this little boy more than words can say. he finds ways to brighten my life everyday. his latest thing is telling me he loves me at random moments during the day, followed by a big hug and a kiss. i melt every time. it makes the hard moments not seem so bad. :)

tough days.

today was one of those days.

cruz and i were not seeing eye to eye. he kept disobeying. and crying. and making me so very frustrated. he kept going to time out for a minute, then going back for another minute after being out of time out for only a minute. arghh.

it was one of those days where i felt like a complete failure as a parent.

i cried as i rocked my baby tonight...wondering why he was so happy and cheerful when i had yelled at him so many times this afternoon. i cried because this parenting thing is tough, and sometimes i don't think i can do it. but as he reached up and talked about my "nose", "mouth", and "ears"...and said "sunshine" in his sweet little voice (he wanted me to sing "you are my sunshine")...i realized that even though this is the toughest job, it is also the best job.

i just need to remember that i can't do it alone. i need help every single day. from the one up above who loves my child even more than i do.

mother's day 2010.

mother's day 2010.

Being a mom is such an amazing experience! I never imagined it would be like this. I am so thankful that Cruz made me a mommy! I told him thank you on Mother's Day, and that the day was really about him...because he has made me become someone I have always wanted to be. A Mom. I consider myself so blessed to be able to be one. What an incredible blessing and what an important job! I am so thankful that God has blessed us with Cruz. I pray that I will raise him up in a way that pleases God and that he would love God so much.